Women can vote. Women can work (for 84% of a man’s salary). Women can give birth and be the sole sustenance for another human. But can our very bodies exist?

Is the body that was a host to the miracle of life and had a soul sewn together within her so offensive after that miracle that it is deemed “deformed”?

I decidedly don’t comment on women’s bodies, so won’t be commenting on Katy Perry’s postpartum body. But I do want to call attention to the praise and comments around the deification of a postpartum “snap back,” and how harmful that praise and narrative is.

NOTE: It is never recommended to comment on anyone’s body, EVEN if you believe you are giving a compliment. “You are looking AMAZING, I am so proud of you!” was a compliment said to me once when I was at one of my lighter weights. I thought to myself, “Are you ashamed of me when I’m heavier???”

There are many metabolic reasons why someone could lose weight that are NOT good including pregnancy loss, bowel diseases, cancer, depression/anxiety and more.

Almost everyone’s weight fluctuates and bodies look and feel different through different seasons of life. Alternatives: “You seem really happy” (if that’s true), “You always have such great style,” and “You seem well!” are all ways to give a compliment that are not weight based or clothing based.

I am mid Jessica Simpson’s audio book. For all intents and purposes, it was aptly named, ‘Open Book.’ In that same token, I have NEVER had my heart so broken as when I heard her own voice share the following:

“My doctor called me and said that my plastic surgeon may have approved me for the surgery in two weeks, but he would not. ‘I’m looking at your liver levels,’ he said. ‘You could die….Jessica, you need to stop everything before you have the surgery for three months. Everything.’

I disregarded what my doctor said and kept the surgery date. The morning of the operation, my mom tried to get me not to go.

I had never shown her my stretch marks and skin. ‘Mom,’ I said, taking off my dress in front of her. I stood there, naked before the woman who birthed me.

“Let’s go,” she said.

RECORD SCRATCH… WHAT?! Jessica’s mom was so culturally indoctrinated that she would rather her daughter risk the possibility of leaving her own grandchildren as orphans than accept that her daughter’s body bears stretch marks and sagging skin: the very evidence of the new life she birthed.

Jessica went to get her first ‘partial tummy tuck.’ She went back a few weeks later to get a “full” tummy tuck: “Surgery took two hours longer than planned. I still had two drains with pouches to collect blood. It did not go well. I got an infection, colitis, and was vomiting so much I thought I was going to bust to my sutures... I was rushed to Cedars and I stayed there for 9 days… I can tell you that plastic surgery does not cure what’s inside.”

What is “on the inside” is the collection of stories we tell ourselves about our bodies. The narrator is our family, friends and culture. And yes, that culture is oftentimes the ‘Patriarchal ideal’ or what is desirable to a man, but is oftentimes perpetuated by women as well.

It was years before I would ever get pregnant, but Gisele Bunchen’s words pierced me. After giving birth to her first son, Benjamin, Gisele declared: “I did kung fu up until two weeks before Benjamin was born, and yoga three days a week. I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals. I was mindful about what I ate, and I gained only 30 pounds.”

So what is this “Woman’s World” that Katy Parry says we live in?

No planet that I want me my daughters to live on.

I also have to mention that Katy Perry co-wrote the song with Dr Luke.

“For years, Dr. Luke (real name Lukasz Gottwald) has claimed that the star (Kesha) legally defamed him with the “false and shocking” allegation that he drugged and raped her after a 2005 party, arguing she did so as leverage to secure a more lucrative deal” (Billboard, ‘Kesha Wins Major Court Victory In Defamation Battle With Dr. Luke,’ Donahue, 2023).

Katy, what on earth were you thinking?

If your song was a conversation starter, at what cost? Wouldn’t you rather PAY it forward than CHARGE our daughters interest from the 90s?

I don’t know what causes me to roll my eyes more… the “almond mom” character (“If you’re hungry, just eat a handful of raw almonds!”) and the idea that women should “snap back” after baby

OR

When women share photos of themselves in swimsuits while sharing their ‘normal’ body and being applauded for being “brave.” Just walking on a beach or letting someone else see cellulite is “brave.”

I know I want my daughters to grow up in a different world. We can all only do our part. For me, that is vowing to newer comment negatively about my body in front of my girls. I also try to engage with content and women who are working to change the cultural tide. This is partly why I am so grateful for Jessica Simpson’s book about growing up as a “pop Star” and “Sex Symbol” and what that really looked like. I’m grateful for heroes like Dolly Parton, who has acted as a ‘Fairy Godmother’ to so many female artists and role models. She models grace and the ultimate female supporter.

What do you think it is going to take to change our culture? Or can it ever really change?