10 Life Lessons from 10 years of Oncology Nursing

After 10 YEARS of working with cancer patients, here are some lessons I have learned along the way. If you know someone diagnosed with cancer, CLICK HERE to see some ways you can support them. I also wrote tips for anyone diagnosed with cancer.

I always love connecting and would love to see you on Instagram, where I share all kinds of daily tips and tricks.

It me!!! — Thank you Laura Pope Photography for this photo!

Dream Bigger // What do you have to Lose?

The Ellen show was a big topic in our women’s cancer support group… the ladies had independently been trying to get tickets for over five years when I joined the group as co-leader. I had been to the Ellen show and when they found out, they hounded me for secrets on how to get tickets. I asked if anyone had written to Ellen, and no one had. Rule one: what do you have to lose?! The next group meeting, I brought some thrown-together poster boards asking for Ellen to ‘make our dreams come true.’ I snapped photos with my cell phone and submitted them to Ellen.com, mostly expecting them to sit in the internet ether forever. Shortly thereafter, I had a call from a producer at the Ellen show, Carly! Within a few weeks, Ellen sent a stretch limo to pick up me and the ladies and bring us on the show to dance with her. I have never seen smiles so big at a Cancer Center!

2. You Bless Someone by Accepting Help

We don’t like to inconvenience others, but every time you allow yourself to be helped, even in a small way, you are giving a gift. Do ou know the saying “It’s better to give than to receive”? Well, let someone else GIVE! It takes courage and vulnerability to accept help. Besides being asked for money from the homeless, people don’t get many opportunities to help others who we know and care about. This is an important lesson for everyone… whether you just had a baby, knee surgery, or have terminal cancer: BLESS SOMEONE by accepting help! Also, be specific when offering help (it’s makes it easier for someone to accept). Instead of “Let me know what I can do to help,” say “Please let me know when you are in need of a Target run.”

3. We are never promised health, nor time.

No matter how many clean beauty products have been purchased, Peleton classes attended, or vegan meals eaten, we are not promised health nor time. I have seen the cleanest-eating, most athletic, young, perfect human specimens with 0% body fat die from cancer. As the lyrics go, “Live life like you’re dying,” because none of us are promised tomorrow.

4. Don’t Stress About how NOT to get Cancer

10 years ago, (when I was a fresh baby oncology nurse), I was at an Oncology conference and was SO eager to go to a session about Clean Beauty and Cancer. I feverishly took notes for the first 15 minutes, filling multiple pages of my notebook until the speaker got to a slide illustrating radon, a cancer-causing substance. It illustrated that radon comes in through every single home’s bathroom, floor, and WALLS! Also, did you know that you get radiation exposure from SUNLIGHT? Simply by existing, you are exposed to carcinogens (cancer causing substances). Bottom line: there is literally no way to avoid every single thing that causes cancer. We are always looking for a magic pill to help get some control in our lives. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers or shortcuts.

However, there are absolutely research based action items you can take to reduce your risk of cancer (like eating fruits and vegetables, working out, avoiding smoking). My best advice for cancer risk reduction is to focus on living a healthy life, filled with people and activities you love, and the rest will follow. Sweat everyday. Call your grandma. Eat the cookie. All things in moderation (Well… not ALL things, MOST things;). If you obsess over avoiding cancer, the result is STRESS and we all know that stress is not good for your health.

5. How Important Screening Tests are

It’s silly when you think about it, but we don’t change much from when we’re kids. No one WANTS to go to the doctor or dentist, but it literally can save your life and decades with your kids. A routine screening colonoscopy can actually be the entire treatment for some early stage colon cancers and the entire reason you are also to see your daughter walk down the aisle one day. Think of it as ONE bad day where you have to be brave- compared to, theoretically, MANY days of treatment if you miss an early-stage cancer diagnosis because you didn’t get a screening test. I wish I didn’t have several patients in mind who missed meeting their grand babies because they started screening colonoscopies too late.

6. The End is a Lot like the Beginning…

I always thought of how similar death is to birth. There are warning signs, like contractions for birth and changes in breathing and the color of extremities for death, but no one can predict the exact moment when someone will enter or leave our realm. Working with dying patients in the hospital, I would have a lot of families say to me “Please let me know when they are close to dying, ‘So and So’ wants to be here in the end.” Sometimes people die very quickly, and others can hang on for days (or even weeks) longer than we could have predicted. I would always say, “if they would be upset if they miss the death, they should be here now,” (Except for one time… I’ll tell you about that over a drink sometime!). Hearing is the last sense to go, so be sure to share your love and encouragement if you are ever have the honor to be with someone as they are dying. Also, if someone is unconscious, they can still hear you! There are so many stories of patients in comas who wake up and repeat something that was said when they were unconscious.

7. The squeaky wheel gets the oil

If you are given a “soonest available” date for a test or appointment (for a CT scan or a hair appointment!), book it and then get squeaky. Be friendly to the person who schedules. Ask to be put on a waiting list for a sooner date. KEEP CALLING. Sometimes patients cancel at the last minute (for many reasons). If you happen to call right then, you might just get lucky!

8. The answer is always no unless you ask (and then it might be YES)

I had been sitting with patients as they heard about their cancer diagnoses for the first time and would talk them through starting chemotherapy. I felt so helpless and was desperate to do something tangible to comfort and support them. I thought about what items would be in my Dream Fantasy Swag Bag if I was starting chemotherapy. If felt like such a long shot, but (note life lesson #1), I started reaching out to each company. To my surprise, SO many of them (listed below) replied back YES and sent products to fill bags for my patients starting treatment. I realized that businesses are led by PEOPLE and PEOPLE want to help. Sometimes they just need to be presented with the right opportunity. The next time you really want something but feel sheepish, ask (nicely) and see what happens! People like to say yes when the can.

9. Be your own advocate:

There is a difference between Dr. Google and self-advocacy. Doctors have medical knowledge and critical thinking (which should not be underestimated), but only YOU know how it feels to live in your body and are aware of any changes. You have the unique perspective that no amount of years in medical school can replace. I had a patient once who went through THREE breast biopsies of the same area. She kept saying that she knew something was wrong/felt wrong. Luckily, her physician believed her and agreed to keep ordering biopsy after biopsy (even when they kept coming back negative). She ended up having lymphoma in her breast, which is a serious cancer diagnosis. She was diagnosed in the middle of her first pregnancy and quickly had to start chemotherapy. She delivered a beautiful, healthy baby (who had a big head of hair despite her being bald), finished her chemo and was cured. She will be around to raise her daughter because SHE confidently advocated for herself. She persisted.

10. No one is “Battling Cancer”

No one is ‘battling cancer,’ because no one is defeated by cancer. I know it may seem subtle, but there is so much pressure to “never give up” or to “keep fighting” and honestly, it makes me very sad and frustrated. Cancer is often curable and can also often be more like a chronic health condition for years instead of a “death sentence.” Life should be lived with a reasonable degree of comfort and quality. If treatments aren’t working or someone’s quality of life is not where is should be, there is no shame or defeat in going on hospice care. It takes a lot of courage to pursue comfort and not treatment, but it is actually oftentimes rewarded with a longer survival time versus someone who chose treatment up to the very end. Death is not the enemy, it’s a natural progression of life and the human condition. Aspects of dying from cancer can be a blessing, because unlike tragic accidents, it gives time to prepare and share your love with your family.