The Transition to 2 Kids

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When I was home with my son as a newborn, all I could think was “HOW on earth do people do this with another kid at home?!” The answer? You just do it. It just happens. Life goes on. If you are thinking about trying for #2, remember: your first born will be a full 10 months older than they are now, which makes a HUGE difference! That being said, there are a few tips I have picked up that have made the transition a bit easier.

Besides a few hiccups (remote control to the head), Cohen is very happy with the addition of Baby Sadie! He mostly ignores her, but has a kiss and snuggle ready whenever prompted.

I have also put together the following posts for more logistical help: Babywearing Tips and Diaper Bag Hacks.

Seeing my son become a big brother has been one of the greater privileges in life.

Prepare your first born: I read the idea of you introducing your baby to your first born could feel similar to your spouse bringing home a new wife and expecting you to be excited. Of course, it’s not always that way, but have some understanding that the new addition could be upsetting. If there are any transitions that will need to happen after baby comes, like moving their carseat out of the middle or moving out of a crib, try to do those a few months before your due date so the two events aren’t correlated. You can start to talk about the new baby and what to expect.
Make the meeting neutral: When your older sibling is meeting the new baby for the first time, you or your partner can walk in with the older sibling and have the baby placed in the bassinet or on the bed (not in your arms).
Man to Man coverage: My husband is 90% responsible for feeding, clothing, diapering our toddler, Cohen, and I am 90% responsible for our baby, Sadie, particularly in the first few weeks. This streamlines care, but also (unfortunately) creates a much stronger bond between your partner and your older child. One time Cohen hurt himself, looked me in the eye while crying and ran past me to get comfort from dad! It was crushing, but It really was important while I healed from delivery. After my 8 weeks of not picking him up, we are back to being thick as thieves.
FIRST IN LAST OUT (FILO): I have found it helpful to load my toddler in the car first when we are leaving the house and when we come home, I unload him last. That way, he can’t get into trouble and is buckled in while I am loading and unloading sis.
Activities: Hide some of their toys and create a rotation so that there is a “new” and novel toy every so often. Cohen has lately been entertained with a Coloring Cloth and a small bounce house. Have a few activities on hand to pull out before feeds so they can entertain themselves.
Be sure to carve out a little time alone with your older child to make sure they know they are still special to you. You can also prep guests to greet your older child first when coming over, instead of them going straight for the new baby.
Encourage Children to Express Feelings: I love Janet Lansbury and she has shares about respectful parenting. “ When children act-out with the baby — kissing or patting the baby too hard or jumping on the bed next to her — after calmly but confidently stating the boundary (“I can’t let you…”), the parent can ask matter-of-factly, “Are you feeling rough toward the baby right now? Are you upset that the baby’s here? Big sisters often feel that way. But I’m going to help you get down from the bed. I’d love for you to sit on my lap or jump on the floor next to me” (Janet Lansbury, you can read more here).
Give yourself and your family grace. Your older child will very much likely regress in whatever you have been working on (pacifier extinction, potty training, etc.). Currently, our son has never eaten so much ice cream or watched so much Sesame Street and you know what? Whatever. It’s not ideal, but it’s temporary and we are doing our best. Do whatever it takes to keep sane and keep your kids taken care of. IT’S NOT FOREVER (I promise! You will be making it look easy in no time!). I also have to remind myself to give my partner grace and we both (constantly) have to remind ourselves that we are just doing our best!