How to Care for our Elderly Loved Ones

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”―Maya Angelou

Have you had to visit your elderly loved one through a window, from a balcony, or not at all? Dr Macie Smith, Social Gerontologist, joined me to talk about how to love and care for our elderly relatives who are living with Dementia symptoms, which has been especially challenging during the pandemic.

CLICK HERE to watch our Interview

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She clarified for me that you can’t have “full blown Dementia,” as Dementia is a symptom of (and most commonly caused by) Alzheimers Disease. There are stages of Alzheimers, ranging from mild to severe. There are other causes of Dementia, including treatable causes like vitamin deficiencies, urinary tract infections, and medication interactions.

“There are 10 warning signs and symptoms. If you notice any of them, don't ignore them. Schedule an appointment with your doctor.” (alz.org). Dr Macie also recommends gathering ANY AND ALL of the medications, vitamins and supplements your loved one takes and make a list. Check the list against the BEERS list, as the medications on that list can be particularly troublesome for elderly patients to take. Make sure every physician has an updated medication list and only use one pharmacy to avoid medication interactions.

Speaking to Your Loved One with Dementia

It can be hard to know how to respond when your loved one repeats themselves or acts confused. One helpful tactic can be to pull from improv! The “Yes, And…” technique has been used in improv and can be helpful when your loved one’s perception of reality is altered. It is negative and antagonistic to tell them their reality isn’t true. They respond really well to positive behaviors (smiling, kind gestures). If they think they are in the 1950’s, then put on your poodle skirt! You can look into therapeutic fib, validation therapy Specifically, check out Naomi Feil as she shares how to respond to someone with Dementia who says “I want to Die,” “I want my mother,” “You stole my wedding ring!”

Make sure your communication shows you value the person and speak to their soul with respect. Their brain may be diseased, but their soul is not.

Sundowning

Sundowning is an increase in challenging behaviors when the sun starts to set. Their body feels that they should be doing something when they see the sun going down. Our seniors are usually not engaged and sitting around when they see shift change and business in their facilities and they feel they need to be active. Many women lived their lives with the sun setting as a time when they need to be picking up the kids from school, preparing dinner, cleaning the home… in other words, it has always been a very busy time! Engaging our seniors with puzzles and activities, establishing a routine, and closing the blinds and turning on all the lights are all helpful. Make sure exit doors and windows have a lock on them, either very high or low, as long as the senior does not live alone.